Posted by Jan Wencel on Wed, Feb 24, 2010
When I reached out to a fellow productivity trainer, Casey Moore, to ask about her favorite assertiveness training book, she referred me to the seminal piece When I Say No, I Feel Guilty by Manuel Smith.
Mr. Smith offers six systematic assertiveness skills you can start using today to harness a more assertive posture. This is the first in a series to showcase descriptions and dialogue examples taken from the book. (The 1970s references should give you a chuckle.)
BROKEN RECORD
"One of the most important aspects of being verbally assertive is to be persistent and to keep saying what you want over and over again without getting angry, irritated, or loud. In using broken record...don't give up after you hear your first 'no'...[and don't be] deterred by anything the other person may say...keep saying in a calm, repetitive voice what you want to say until the other person accedes to your request or agrees to a compromise.
"SALESMAN: You do want your children to learn faster, don't you?
CARLO: I understand, but I'm not interested in buying.
SALESMAN: Your wife would want her children to have them.
CARLO: I understand, but I am not interested.
SALESMAN: It's awful hot out here, do you mind if I come in for a drink of water?
CARLO: I understand, but I am not interested.
SALESMAN: You don't understand or you would want to buy these for your children.
CARLO: I understand how you feel, but I'm not interested.
"[With] stereotyped dialogues like this one...[you can learn to] change this compulsive habit of answering any question or responding to any statement... This habit is based upon our belief that when someone talks to us, we 'should' have an answer and 'should' respond specifically to whatever the other person says."
What situations have you encountered of late where refraining from response and using the broken record technique might have delivered a better outcome? Who can you test using this method?
Posted by Jan Wencel on Tue, Feb 23, 2010
When you’re experiencing time pressure, you should ask yourself two questions: 1) Should I really be doing this activity? 2) If so, how can I do it more efficiently?
Let’s see how this might play out when applied to the activity of conducting searches on the Internet.
First off: should I really be doing this activity? We all know the Internet can consume time at a staggering rate. Many of us default to searching the Internet & checking email messages because it provides a delightful distraction from the work we may not want to complete. For the purposes of this exercise, however, let’s assume the search activity is not only necessary, but planned with a start & finish time on the calendar.
Okay, so now how do we make searching more efficient? You probably have learned to include more terms to yield better results, but there’s so much more you can do. Let’s review a few of the advanced search tips Google provides to see how to take your searching skills to a higher level.USE OPERATORS
Operators are symbols representing set processes to be performed. You likely already use the operator “ ” when you’re looking for an exact phrase. Did you know there are over 30 more operators Google recognizes? Following are a few:
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Operator
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Process to be performed
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Example
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[word] site:[url]
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Search within only one website
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wine glasses site:www.apartmenttherapy.com
(Search ApartmentTherapy site for wine glass references)
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[word] date:[#]
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Search only a range of months (3, 6 or 12)
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“lasalle bank” chicago
date:3
(Find references with both the phrase LaSalle Bank & Chicago)
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[#] % of [#]
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Calculates percentage of number
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45% of 39
(Calculate 45% of 39)
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filetype:[ext]
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Search for only particular file types (pdf, xls, ppt, doc, etc.)
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2007 west virginia football schedule filetype:pdf
(Find PDF of 2007 WV football schedule)
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[Shipping Code]
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Report activity on package shipped via UPS/USPS/FedEx
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“999999999999”
(Report latest info on FedEx package)
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[word] -[word]
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Search for results with first word, but don’t return results if second word is present
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chicago baseball -cubs -sox (Find results for Chicago Baseball but not results that have the word Sox or Cubs in them)
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DOWNLOAD A GOOGLE CHEAT SHEET
Until you commit these search efficiency techniques to memory, download this cheat sheet covering some of the tips in this newsletter plus many more. (Isn’t Google just the best?!)MORE SEARCH TIPS
Thanks to Jeri Dansky, an organizer & blogger extraordinaire, who directed us to her seven internet research recommendations in response to this post. What techniques do you use?
Posted by Jan Wencel on Fri, Feb 19, 2010
Although more difficult to align than physical complements,
matching personality and responsibility can increase your chances of success for creating order in your organizations and in your life.
Personality assessment tools like DiSC and Myers Briggs measure varying dimensions, plotting the analyzed within a defined spectrum. People often conclude one end of the spectrum is “better” than the other. While this may be true for a specific task, it is not a universal truth. As Getting Organized author, Chris Crouch, put it, “Certain personality traits may have a significant influence on your ability to become more focused, organized and productive. It is not a matter of any particular trait being good or bad, it is more a matter of whether or not the traits are a good match or a bad match for what you are trying to do.”
While the incongruities may not surface immediately, they will eventually emerge in decreased work functioning indirectly (personal matters impede) or directly.
Self awareness breeds change, so it’s important to be aware of your prominent personality traits and of how the characteristics of the folks on your team may impact you. When you notice you need to complete something that requires going against the grain of your personality, see if you can delegate the task. If not, take frequent breaks or ask someone to support you through the task.
Are you matched well in your job?
Posted by Jan Wencel on Fri, Feb 12, 2010
A common behavior among those who live an organized life is having a set of evolving boundaries. You know from experience without proper boundaries, work can take over your life. You also know kept boundaries, strangely, manifest freedom.
Over the next week, determine what boundaries you need to establish in order to maintain a healthy blend of family, work and rest. When you notice your energy running low or you feel resentful, you likely need to erect a new boundary—or to respect an existing one.
Following are the steps to inventing these freeing restrictions:
- Identify. Spend time being more aware of your circumstances and emotions. When you feel frustrated, stop to determine if instituting an outward or inward boundary would prevent this situation from happening again.
- Create. Here’s where you have to draw a line. You don’t have to get it right the first time, but you need to define the limit in measurable terms and specify the consequences for adhering/disregarding the boundary.
- Inform. Alert all involved parties of the new boundary and the associated consequences. Clarity is key. If you’re setting a private boundary, make a plan to track your implementation of the new rule.
- Enforce. Enforcing is the difference between having boundaries and not. One or two uncomfortable public conversations enforcing the negative consequences of ignoring a new boundary typically ignites the social pressure system which takes over as boundary keeper from then on.
- Enjoy. Once you and others have embraced the boundary, there is much to enjoy. Create whatever you want on top of this steady foundation you have secured.
- Adapt. Evaluate boundaries from time to time. Stretch some. Change the ones no longer aligned with your life goals. As the anonymous quote says, “Your current safe boundaries were once unknown frontiers.”
Boundaries are an essential key separating the joyfully productive from the regretfully overloaded. Have fun with creating and honoring your own network of liberating limitations.
What defined boundaries do you reliably respect...or want to begin honoring?
Posted by Jan Wencel on Wed, Feb 10, 2010
Mercury News, a San Jose paper, reported a growing number of companies are mandating “topless” meetings…as in no laptops, CrackBerrys, iPhones and the like. The impetus behind the movement:
“...distracted workers so plugged in that they tune out in the middle of business meetings…” “...people have discovered a handy diversion, making more eye contact these days with their screens than one another.”
In Death by Meeting, author Patrick Lencioni offers advice for creating meetings so immersed in human connectivity, laptop temptations could vanish. Consider these recommendations he claims result in faster & better decisions, higher morale & greater bottom-line results:
Add drama to the boardroom & never get bored
Lencioni refreshingly suggests a gathering of intelligent people naturally & productively reveals different points of view. To suppress these disagreements, he explains, leads to boring meetings. He proposes in strategic meetings the meeting leader regularly seek out & uncover opposing viewpoints (“mining for conflict”) & the contributors embrace the clash, even when it’s uncomfortable.
Assign different contextual rules & watch effectiveness climb
With worthy motive, Lenvioni recommends more, not fewer, meetings. He describes the tendency of most companies to throw every type of issue into the same meeting. He proposes adopting the following multiple structures to manage different meeting content & participant expectations:
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Daily Check-Ins; 5 minutes; share daily schedule & activities; don’t sit (huddle); keep administrative; don’t cancel
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Weekly Tacticals; 45-90 minutes; review weekly activities, metrics & resolve tactical obstacles; set agenda in real time after round-the-table 60-second reporting; review 4-5 key metrics; postpone strategic discussions
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Monthly/Ad Hoc Strategics; 2-4 hours; discuss, analyze, brainstorm critical issues affecting long-term success; limit to 1-2 topics; prepare & do research; engage in good conflict
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Quarterly Off-Site Reviews; 1-2 days; review strategy, industry trends, competitive landscape, team development; get out of office; limit social activities; don’t overstructure or overburden schedule
If you want to initiate a meeting cultural shift, start by calculating how proposed change alters roles. Inform others of the change by outlining the rule, reason, & consequences (a must!). Expect challenges, and be ready to call it when you see it. Done right, social pressure will soon preside.
Who knows? Instead of people feeling naked when they show up for a meeting without their laptop, they’ll decide to attend deliberately topless.